How to make a cold cheese sandwich.

First, start with your supplies. You are going to need two slices of bread. They should be fresh, if you can help it, and both slices should be wheat, unless you really like white. If you only happen to have one left of each flavor, then mix and match as necessary. Next, you will need the cheese. You should be using cheddar. I can’t speak for any other kind of cheese, so experiment at your own risk. The sharpness of the cheese is up to your discretion. Sometimes I like my cheddar medium, sometimes I like my cheddar sharp, to go with my wit. As for the brand, well I have to say Tillamook is the best in my experience. They know how to let milk curdle, or whatever it is they do to make cheese. I’m sure it’s a very scientific process. Lastly, you’re going to need a knife. You didn’t think you could just punch the cheese into slices, did you?

Now take your cutlass, or your kitchen knife, or whatever you use. Just use the blade to sheer off slices. Of how thick? Well that is once again up to you, but I recommend a quarter inch or so. You may want to layer the slices on top of the bread, to produce just the right cheese-to-bread ratio. This may take a couple attempts to get just right, but even the failed attempts are still tasty.

After you have placed enough cheese slices on to one piece of bread, plop the other on top. Now that is what we call a sandwich! I know you may be tempted to add some lettuce or mayonnaise, but be strong! This snack is greenery and condiment free.

I shouldn’t have to give you instructions past this point, but if you are really struggling with what to do next, I’ll tell you. Put the sandwich in your mouth! Also, chew. You probably won’t be able to fit the whole thing into the mouth at once, so bite of pieces and don’t forget to breath. If you’re seeking a beverage, Gatorade goes well with it, this I know. Enjoy your newfound snack!