How to make a cold cheese sandwich.

First, start with your supplies. You are going to need two slices of bread. They should be fresh, if you can help it, and both slices should be wheat, unless you really like white. If you only happen to have one left of each flavor, then mix and match as necessary. Next, you will need the cheese. You should be using cheddar. I can’t speak for any other kind of cheese, so experiment at your own risk. The sharpness of the cheese is up to your discretion. Sometimes I like my cheddar medium, sometimes I like my cheddar sharp, to go with my wit. As for the brand, well I have to say Tillamook is the best in my experience. They know how to let milk curdle, or whatever it is they do to make cheese. I’m sure it’s a very scientific process. Lastly, you’re going to need a knife. You didn’t think you could just punch the cheese into slices, did you?

Now take your cutlass, or your kitchen knife, or whatever you use. Just use the blade to sheer off slices. Of how thick? Well that is once again up to you, but I recommend a quarter inch or so. You may want to layer the slices on top of the bread, to produce just the right cheese-to-bread ratio. This may take a couple attempts to get just right, but even the failed attempts are still tasty.

After you have placed enough cheese slices on to one piece of bread, plop the other on top. Now that is what we call a sandwich! I know you may be tempted to add some lettuce or mayonnaise, but be strong! This snack is greenery and condiment free.

I shouldn’t have to give you instructions past this point, but if you are really struggling with what to do next, I’ll tell you. Put the sandwich in your mouth! Also, chew. You probably won’t be able to fit the whole thing into the mouth at once, so bite of pieces and don’t forget to breath. If you’re seeking a beverage, Gatorade goes well with it, this I know. Enjoy your newfound snack!

I Wish I Was a Writer

What I will not miss about the Sacramento State dormitories:

Living on the third floor. At this point, it is really hard to get angry over the fact that I live three stories above the ground, with only a cold hard stairwell allowing me access to this notorious “ground level”. I have traversed the staircase enough times, that I don’t even think about it as I climb. I know ever nook and cranny, how you can see the pool from the third floor window but not the second, how loose sandals sound as they slap the concrete on the way down, the familiar enormity of the white floor markings. But looking ahead, I welcome the miniscule ascent to my second floor room at home.

Having to cross the lawn, just to get breakfast. Although I usually had cereal in my room, it was more of a late night snack than an early morning one. So my first meal of the day almost always comes from the DC, which happens to be down three flights of stairs, across the lawn, and past a treacherous and often bitterly cold hallway. The length of distance between myself and fresh food is often enough to make you want to just give up. Breakfast might as well be perched atop Mount Everest.

The booming, cacophonous sound of the garbage truck at 10:30 in the morning, or sometimes earlier if they are feeling particularly spiteful. Who scheduled the pick-up at this ungodly hour? Why not just pay someone to punch us in the face every morning. We like to have the window open, to keep from suffocating in our sleep, so in the otherwise tranquil stillness of the morning, the behemoth garbage truck gruffly grabbing the dumpsters and slamming them back and forth feels like it is happening in my room. But even with the window closed it doesn’t get much quieter.

There are probably a lot more things I won’t miss about the dorms, and quite a lot of things I will miss, but these were the most fun to rant about.


On a completely opposite note, there really ought to be an All NBA Announcers Team (Nate knows). It would consist of Marv Albert, Kevin Harlan, Charles Barkley, the Czar, Mike Fratello. I’m sick of listening to Al Michaels slowly build up a completely superfluous stat, meanwhile missing the most exciting plays of the game. ABC shouldn’t have let him out of the Monday Night Football booth. Doc Rivers is decent, but I’d rather have him coach. What the networks really need to do is utilize their staff and switch the post-game announcers with the in-game announcers. Charles Barkley, and hell, Torny Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon could make any game entertaining (i.e. the East is boring).